Feet Behaving Badly: Toe Sucking and Failed Sobriety Tests

Bieber with a real broken foot circa 2010. Not a fake one to get out of troubleNormally, being a Houston podiatrist means being part of a fairly sedate industry—we don’t see a lot of foot-related scandals. Last week, however, two stories caught my attention that I wanted to talk about.

The first incident involved pop-star-turned-bad-boy Justin Bieber. When he was pulled over for erratic driving in Miami, he was unable to walk in a straight line, failing his sobriety test and earning him a night in jail. Now the singer is crying foot pain, claiming he couldn’t ‘walk the line’ because he had a broken foot.

The next news item to cross my radar was even more absurd. A man in Concord, North Carolina was arrested after posing as a podiatrist at a Lincolntown Wal-Mart. Apparently, this twisted individual got a woman to try on shoes with him by posing as a podiatry student; somehow, he began sucking her toes, which got her upset, naturally. He offered to pay for her groceries, but wound up in jail instead, with bail set at $50,000.

It’s taken me a while to write about these two gems because, initially, I was totally befuddled by both. But here’s my takeaway. First, Justin Bieber: Dude, if you really had a broken foot, you should have told the police right away that it might affect your ability to walk in a straight line. Also, Olympic skiers win gold medals on broken feet; chances are, you probably could have passed your sobriety test, even with a fracture, if you were totally sober. Just saying.

And the so-called podiatry student? Aside from the fact that the woman probably should have figured a doctor wouldn’t be trolling Wal-Mart for feet to size up, I have to say: bad form. Way to give podiatrists everywhere a bad name!

Foot injuries are no laughing matter but when people use them as weak excuses during arrests or pretend to be podiatrists to indulge foot-fetishes, everyone loses. To see a real podiatrist for real foot pain, schedule an appointment with Dr. Andrew Schneider at Tanglewood Foot Specialists. I can’t promise an excuse note for your arresting officer, but I can guarantee your toes won’t end up anywhere near my mouth. 

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